It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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