dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize