I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
