When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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