Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize