got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
