She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
