My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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