you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
