I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
