I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I cut my penus on the lid.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
