Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
