woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
