hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
