Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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