he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
