I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
