I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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