Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I looked at my own cervix.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
