Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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