i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
