I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think my moral compass just broke
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