beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
