HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
