Yo dont text me then not text me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
