I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize