I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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