I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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