Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
