he wants to bone in the snuggie
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
