You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
