look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
its liver damage thursday
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
