so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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