literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
