why didn't you poke me back
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
