She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She told me I should be a condom model.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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