I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
PS: I just woke up from my shower
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
