just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.