Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.