I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head