I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
