There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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