He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I look excited, but its just a facade.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
