PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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