You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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