You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
