Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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