im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
