I'm really into asian looking animals
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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