WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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