I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
