And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize