Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
zippers are such a cool invention
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
