I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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