I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
