White coat. Heels.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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