And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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