The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
