Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did I show you my penis last night?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
not ubering you a puppy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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