I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
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Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
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Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize