Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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