Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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