I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
