Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
