im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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