So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i need some magic done to my vagina
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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