I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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