Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
