Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
