So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
